Throbbing headache...

With my throbbing headache because of migraine, I want to pour out all my SHITs!!! Distorted though...

I am stress, so many things on my mind that I wish to be alone for a long time... I want to be away from reality. I want to be away from making choices. I want to be away from responsibilities. I want to be away from explaining things. Whatever I have said or done, I can never satisfiy anyone. Not even to myself when I think I have done all I could. Most importantly, indecisive is in my gene. I hate words... I cannot express well with words...

I am stress with money, with school, with family and relationships... Nothing can stay happy for a long time. Just like rainbow, they vanished just when you thought they are the most beautiful. Maybe my parents were correct to suspect I was once dissociated from reality. I hope I can be like that now... No one can truly be there for me. Whenever I am stress or unhappy, there will be more unnecessary stress and unhappiness finding theirs way to me. Darkness and the night is the best comfort zone for me... I love to sleep my troubles through before I got too emo. Yes. I am useless. I tends to be rule by the night lord, not rationale...

I also hate to be 'frame', nothing seem to be more important than my actions. Not even when people claimed it was. In the first place, I was never good with words. If not I would not have hurt so many people close to me. Most of the time, I don't even realized it. But what if the things I said is true and it hurts? Does it mean that I have to be a hypocrite and not say it? I mean, even to people I thought I should be truthful to? Fine. I think I should keep mum about it. SHUT UP YOU BLOODY FUCKER SU! Shut your mind and shut your thought to steer away from your own trouble. STUPID...

I am indebted to alot of people. I don't need to name them, for their names are deeply engraved in my heart. I am helpless. I don't have alot of friends or sources to seek comfort with. So I will remember those people I am indebted to... So many people have high expectations of me, but everytime I just fails them. I am truly ashamed of myself. My point is, don't expect much from a loser like me. I can never live up to expectation. Never before. Laugh if you want but I won't give a shit about it... Miyo's apple will understand... ...

I am stress, but you make it more stress... You make yourself sound pity, like you are the only one making the effort. You love to make a mountain out of a mole's hole... Ultimately, you are always about yourself. Like me, you are full of excuses...

I feel so helpless, I feel that I cannot even be tired when I really was. Everyone have different tolerance level... Is it a guilt to have lesser tolerance level? I hate assumption, especially those that will cause unnecessary conflicts. Can some scientists please come up with a kind of pill to let people like me to rest peacefully forever? I am so stress... My worries never stop coming, I know I have only myself to blame. As always my actions do not reflect what I preached... I am nobody. I totally feel insignificant. I was 'forced' into thinking this way. Pardon me not...

I will be away for a few days... Goodnight to all...