I feel...

Tonight I watched an episode of "Tang Xin Feng Bao" and I can totally relate to one specific scene. Ok, maybe not exactly the same, but I did feel nostalgic about it. It is about this guy and girl who aren't really considered as friends at the start of the show. However, over the time, through many events, the guy and the girl finally became best friends. Little known to the girl, the guy has fallen for her. He bought a bouquet of flowers and have it delivered to the girl. Upon receipt of the bouquet, the girl finally realized that she has crossed the line as best friend. She was very guilty. Totally hated herself for not drawing a clear line and got too cosy with the guy. She hated herself for misleading the guy into liking her. She really like the guy, but not in the sense of a relationship. She don't want to lose the guy as her best friend to 'love'. She scared that by rejecting the guy, she will be hurting him deeply. As such, she chose to hide from him... Little did she expect that it is hurting both the guy and herself. I felt sorry for the guy. Reason being he does not know that he was being one-sided. Everyday, he waited by the computer for her emails, holding his phone yearning for her smses and putting his phone beside his bed hoping that she will call...

The fact that I mentioned about this scene is because I thought it was quite similar to how Branchel started... Read how Branchel started...

I got to know Rachel when she was in year 1 and I was one year her senior in school. I first saw her at the art room and she managed to leave an impression on me. I cannot really describe which particular feeling it was, but I was aware of her presence. Oya, I thought she was quite arrogant and I don't have a good feel about her. In fact for a good one year I don't remember a day I ever had a proper conversation with her. However, all these changes when I was in year 3. Through events, we managed to start simple conversations and progressed to frequent smses. Ok. I admit I was really shy about speaking to her. Whenever I try to talk to her, well... My ears became red, my heart pumps and adrenaline rushes through my body. That is why I only dare to communicate with her via smses... I am always happy to receive her msges. We always tell each other how boring the classes were, how sleepy we were and how she needed coffee to perk up. In school, I always look at her from far. Walked past her class and I never fail to check her out. Haha. Checking her out to wave 'Hi' lah. Haha. As much as all this sound like some secret admiration, really, we were purely good friends at this stage. Thinking back, she has made my last year at Pre - U a memorable one. There I left my Pre - U with a sad thought that I might never get to see her around again...

Man can never predict the future correctly. Guess what? I am still very much in contact with Rachel even when I entered NS. I still remember those days that I'm laying on my bed and creating unique chinese smses. Our smses can go on for 1 to 2 days straight and paused for a few days straight. Even though Rachel say she treated me as one of her best friends at that point of time, I don't think she actually took the initiative to text me first. I'm always the one the start the ball rolling. Haha. Wau lau, 3 days don't msg her my whole body will be uneasy lah. Haha. Nonetheless, during my NS stint, I think Rach totally know every details of my progress from a recruit in the army at Tekong to becoming a specialist in the Navy. I shared with her every achievements that I got and complained to her every little grievances that I suffered. I like it best when she shared my achievements - i.e. best trainee, shortlisted for officer and blah blah blah... She always think that me being in Navy and being able to sail around is cool. (Ok, she also thinks the other person also cool lah.) Haha. I sensed peacefulness whenever she sends me encouraging texts to carry on with my training and etc. I really miss those days that everything seem so innocent as friends. No strings attached, no obligations, pure strong friendship. Haha. Still remember the day I first called her up. I was wearing my No.3 uniform, holding my rifle and wearing my naval cap doing duty at the aft of the ship. I nervously took out my Hp and called her. Why? Why did I do that? Cause she was getting her A'Level results and I promised to call her to congrat her personally. Yes. That was our first short call. Awkward but still memorable. For the next two years, we maintained our friendship with our little mobile phones. Nothing else...

Our first meet up came when Rach turned 21 years old. I mustered up enough courage to attend her birthday celebration at Miramar. I really don't know what got into me to go... I mean we never really talk or ever met up before. So the first meeting was really a scary one. Finally seeing her after so many years really feel weird. Well, I guessed the weirdness was subdued eventually due to our long 'friendship'. To cut short, everything starts to fall in place after that fateful day... Things fast forwarded when I start my classes...

This is one of the part that I found similarity to the episode that I watched tonight. Through events and a period of time, I found myself in this situation where the thin line between friendship and courtship became blurred. I was not ready for another relationship at that point of time and I am afraid that my feeling will be a one - sided one. I know she has been trying to stop herself from being labeled as '3rd party' and thus didn't think that we can move any further from where we were. Maybe she never felt it, but I know the time that we spent and the long friendship that we had, have blossomed into something else. I have fallen for her, but I dare not tell her or anyone. It never came across to my mind that she will fall for me too... But enough is enough when she said she only treat me as a fun and funny friend. Nothing more. I was awoken from my dreamland. I told myself I have crossed the impossible line and it is time to turn back. I tried to hide from her. I didn't reply her msges nor answered her call. Well, literally for the first 2 calls. For I finally picked up the call upon the third call on the 19th April 2008.

On 20th April 2008, Branchel is official. Rachel darling, though we took a long time to find one another, but I believe that everything happened for a reason. The fact that we are still so in love now after 28 month plus is a good testimonial to how strong our love is for one another. Darling, I love you. Thinking of the past always give me a warm and nostalgic feel while thinking of our future always give me happiness and motivation in life. Rachel dear, you will forever be my best friend and the only love I ever wanted. Thank you for everything that you have done. I promise to love you for as long as you love me. Muack.

Goodnight...